What are we all doing here, anyway?

Well, that’s a tough one, friends.

First of all, if you are one of the six readers from my previous blog and you’ve found me here: Hey, thanks. For reading, for caring, for taking an interest, for waiting three years with bated breath for this post. Thank you.

You might say what happens now is a kind of a re-start. I wrote in an old post that maintaining a blog was a way of “keeping track of my progress during a year of discovery,” but I think the root of the reason I wanted to blog can be found further down: “So blog[ging] is a way of saying yes. I’m a writer and yet I don’t even like updating my facebook status because I’m afraid of all of the people who will judge me on my life, my voice, my personality.  But now I’m saying yes to who I am. I’m allowed to be this person. I have to write something and publish it the same day, and people will read it, and there will be logical fallacies and inconsistencies and poorly written sentences, and I will live with them.”

It is a way of forcing myself to write without too much editing, to get through the self-criticism and get closer to an automatic part of my brain. To hold myself accountable not only for writing posts, but for experiencing life in a way that is more aware and attentive. Because, really, the issue is self-criticism, not the criticism of any other person. As a perfectionist, I silence myself long before anybody else has a chance to.

A lot has changed in the three years since my last post. When I started the old blog I had just quit all my jobs and moved to a new town where I knew nobody in an effort to get myself out of a rut and open myself to new possibilities. As a new person in town with no connections, I said yes to almost any invitation, knowing that it would lead me somewhere and help me build contacts in town. Now I am a new homeowner, I’ve held the same job for almost three years, and I have a live-in partner. I’m relatively stable and I don’t have time to say “yes” to as many things as I was saying yes to before. But yessing isn’t just about saying yes to invitations. It’s about saying yes to the universe, to whatever may come. And that is something that I could use a refresher course on. I think we all can.

Content-wise, I’m not sure how this blog will compare with the last. I’m not doing as much yoga as I was then, and that greatly affects my world view. Things seem more fractured when I don’t have a regular spiritual practice. That’s something I’m working on getting back to. I’m also not cooking as much, or hiking as much. I’d like to get back there as well. But in some ways, I’m in a very similar spiritual place as I was three years ago. I’m trying to figure out how to get on the right path. I want to find work that is fulfilling, build relationships that are nourishing, and engage in practices that are enriching. If I’m doing all that, then this blog should be about a lot of familiar topics: writing, yoga, being in nature, finding fulfilling work, artistic practice, animals, food, culture, politics, gardening. I might not have touched on all of those before, but I hope to here. And I hope you’ll find something among those topics that will interest you. If not, the internet is a big place. Stop by every once in a while.

P.S. A special thanks to @twoscoopsyeah for her anonymous internet stalking and subsequent admission of such. It is partially her readership that has encouraged me to unleash my thoughts onto the world yet again.


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